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When her mother/best friend was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, they thought their lives were over. Her mother always insisted that she would NEVER endure the torture her Grandmother, who had been diagnosed back in the 1970’s, had experienced. Through gentle persuasion, they convinced her that treatment had changed drastically since then and she decided to fight.

Fight it she did and was cancer free . . . until she was diagnosed with a second primary cancer – pancreatic which had already metastasized to her liver. According to the doctors, this was very rare. They gave her three to five months to survive and called upon Hospice. She fought hard and, in fact, beat the odds given to her. She was a real champ who did not want to leave her daughter behind.

A brief excerpt from the book:

...I need to talk with the only one I believe can help me now.

Dear God,
It’s just me, Beth. You should remember me because you’ve responded to some of my requests in the past. Some, I thought you ignored, but then realized that maybe you did respond and your answer was just ’No’. My questions these days aren’t exactly ’yes or no’ answers so I need more information from you if you have a second.

Today was the hardest day for me at the hospital. Mom had to get an Echo to make sure that her heart will handle the chemo alright because it is; after all, poison they will be shooting into her. I sat there and literally watched as my precious mother’s heartbeat right before my very eyes. I’m guessing it is what a mother feels like watching her new baby’s heartbeat (which is another bone I have to pick with you, but that’s a whole other blog). Yet, it is quite the opposite at the same time because a new mom is celebrating life and I am fearing death. It considerably slows my breathing as I think of her breath ceasing forever. And I can’t fight back the tears.

I know that you must be teaching me something, but I’m not seeing it. I’m trying desperately to stay positive but seems like you’re fighting me on this. Can you please tell me why? Are you trying to build ’character’? Because ask anyone up there that knows me . . . I have enough ’character’!!

God, I feel like I should be there 110% with my mom dealing with Satan, which I do believe cancer to be. But then we get led back into another ’Great Depression’ and now, I have to worry about keeping a roof over my dear mother’s head while she is healing? What is going on? Have I done something to just piss you off? Are you listening?

I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done, and you can choose to forgive me or you can choose to listen to the thousands of other people that are praying to you for my mother’s strength, both physically and emotionally. You can’t be mad at all of them, too!

Maybe you are not ready, or perhaps, it’s not yet time for me to know the answers to all of my questions, but I beg of you . . .